morningstarmen

Covenant marriages in a Transactional World Part 2 Working on "We".

You've experienced the tension, as have I.  We know something, but don't know exactly how to use what we know.  We know that too much debt is bad but aren't sure exactly where to start or how to get things under control.  We know that too  much of the wrong  foods and too little of the right kinds of exercise is a bad combination. We know those things, but what we do with what we know makes all the difference.

Men and Women are different. Who doesn't know that?  But in what ways does that knowledge impact our efforts in building  thriving marriages?  Knowing a piece of information and knowing how to use it are two very different things. Today we're exploring what makes men and women so different. We're looking at specific ways in which they are different, and then how an understanding of those differences can be used to improve the connection between husband and wife.

21st Century Marriage. Covenant Love in a Transactional World

Why is a good marriage such a difficult thing to have and to maintain? Why do so many fall apart? Are there things that - maybe - we've never been told that can help us to improve the likelihood of experiencing a great marriage? Are there things which young men can and should know before entering a marriage relationship which can help them to improve the liklihood of success?

In this multi-week series which begins today, we're going to explore 5 of the large-picture ideas which can strenghten a good marriage, rebuild a crumbling one, and will certainly put a new marriage on a solid foundation.  This won't be a "preachy" series. It will be real, honest, genuine and direct. There isn't a man I know who hasn't gone through some "learning" when it comes to being a good husband.  That being the case, let's begin this week by looking at the one thing each of us has at least some control over. Let's look at becoming the men that the women we marry need. Let' look at what it means to be  solid, responsible and self-disciplined husbands. 

In a nut shell, the question we need to ask this week is: Why would it be in the best interest of the woman I care about to marry me or remain that marriage. This doesn't mean we encourage walk-outs. We don't. But we each need to ask a tough question of ourselves. "Knowing what she now knows about me, would my wife choose to marry me again?" Why or why not.  The good news for each of us is that even if any of us suspects that the answer to that question would be "NO!", we can begin to develop some personal practices which will change that answer.

Youth Athletics Part 2

Once a man really understands his role as the a teacher, role model, and leader in the home, it is easier to work with his wife in prioritizing the activities their children will participate in. No father wants to deprive his children of important growth opportunities. Since the goal of every responsible Dad is to help his own children grow into responsible adults, then all the potential family activities can be filtered through the grid of preparing children for life beyond the home.  Since it is the hope of every follower of Christ to see his children begin their own journies  of followership, and to become active adult members of the Kingdom of Heaven, then he will want to use each child's activities as means of developing the qualities of a follower of Christ.

The home was intended to be a place where training, teaching, and practice were natural activities. No adult becomes one simply because he or she took a course in "adulthood". Instead, every adult has had years to practice and perfect the art of being responsible, reliable, and others oriented.  For each of us faced with choices of how much is too much, and how much of even a good thing can turn it into a distraction from life, or even worse, a real hinderance to ever maturing, we have to help our children to understand and practice responsibility in decision-making. 

Listen along as we explore the important role of a father in guiding his family - one child at a time - through the process of maturing. 

Youth Athletics Winners, Losers, and Success after Sports. Part 1

Every week thousands of kids take to sports fields and gym floors all across this country. If the stats are correct, something like 32 million kids and students under the age of 18 participate in some form of competitive sports each year.  To place that in perspective, many states in our country have far fewer people in their whole population that the number of young people across the country who are participants in some form of organized sports. So, that's a whole lot of young people - well over half of those under 18 - who are engaged in voluntary athletic endeavors.

Something that influential deserves to be examined.  Not only because our kids are drawn into its web, but because we as parents, grandparents and those who fund public education are impacted. Who among us hasn't felt the pull of youth sports. Adult volunteers are sometimes in short supply because they've become unpaid shuttle-bus drivers, running kids to and from sporting events. Organized sports put a pinch on already challenged school district budgets. Dinner tables are empty at dinner time because moms, dads, and kids are goiing to, coming from or playing their parts in an organized sporting practice or event.

Every weekend school buses by the thousands transport high school students to and from games.  The influence of youth athletics can be felt across our society. With something acquiring that level of influence, there should perhaps be a careful examination of the merits and dangers inherent.  This is the first of a 2 part series which will do just that.

Passion Lust and Purpose

When is a desire good? When is it bad? When do YOU have the desire, and WHEN does the DESIRE have you?  All men want to be "in control", and as much of a fantasy as control is, we'll go to great lengths to gain what we believe is control over certain things, or keep control of certain situations or relationships. And the same man who will do EVERYTHING possible to gain or keep control over some things will only hours later yield control to a consuming and controlling desire.

So, I'll ask again. When do you have a desire, and when does it have you? 

In this episode, we'll discover when a casual interest becomes a consuming passion. When does want become passion and passion become lust? I think you'll gain much from this edition of our Saturday morning Lifestudy. 

Men's Ministry is Every Man's Ministry

Most men want to be players. Given a chance, many men want to be part of something that matters. Yet, when it comes to building and sustaining a vital and vibrant ministry to other men in  a local church and in a local community, many just don't know what to do. They seem to lack the confidence or the understandings needed to be leaders in creating a community where men feel comfortable and welcomed, and where they can bring the junk which is getting in the way. 

Most men's ministry leaders or men's ministry teams struggle with how to connect with men. Simultaneously, they struggle with doing all the things which building a successful ministry entails.  So, men sit on the sidelines, and leaders need men suited up and ready to play. How do we bridge that gap. Today, we're going to look at a simple truth.  Men's Ministry IS Every Man's Ministry.

The Faith to be ONE. What is Greatness

What is Greatness? Who defines is? What is its origin? Are men "born" to greatness or is it something which they must act on?  Is it wrong - somehow - or egotistical to long for some form of greatness? 

No young boy wants to be a copy of his mates. Instead he sets his sights higher...to be like a sports great, or perhaps an adventurer. Some aspire to be leaders in the marketplace or in the houses of political influence. Few say, "no, I'd rather be ordinary and unnoticed. I'd rather live a life of mediocrity and common-ness.

What can we learn of God's plan for the greatness of his men? Are there guidelines a man may choose to follow if he wishes to place himself in the pathway which great people travel? Is there artifical greatness when compared to the real thing? Is it possible that many men aspire to a type of greatness which is nothing more than a cheap knock-off of the real thing? Much like the re-print of a famous painting. From a distance, it resembles the original, but ...upon closer inspection, it is revealed to be only a copy, lacking the depth, the substance, the texture of the original. 

Since so very many young men want to be great,, it seems like a discussion worth having. Let's look at the Faith to be the ONE. To be a stand-alone and not a copy of someone else's ideas about what greatness is and where it lives.

Freedom to Forgive

The power to forgive. We often hear of last minute stays preventing those soon to be executed from receiving their given punishment. In that case, the power to forgive seems large. Who can do that?  It's a question first century Jews asked of Jesus. How can you do that? How can you claim to forgive sin?  Afterall, that seems rather like something God would or should do. Jesus went on to clarify by demonstrating his credentials. He didn't bother to debate who he was or why he had authority. He simply performed such feats as demonstrated that he apparently DID have the authority to pardon. 

Forgiveness is the power to declare a debt cancelled. God does this with us, and he asks  - commands even - that we do so with others. Jesus went on to inform his listeners that really, they couldn't "pay off" the debt they owed. It's that way with those who hurt us.  There are those things in life which can't ever be fixed. The broken plate is broken. You may be able to buy another - maybe - but you'll never make that plate whole again.  Some things in each person's life are exactly like that. They can be forgiven but they can't be paid off.  True forgiveness acknowledges pain and wounding. It recognizes loss. And Chooses to forgive.  True forgivenss understands and feels the cost of what has been lost or what has been done, and offers the cancelling of the right to hold that offense over another.  Forgiveness is a covenant commitment to declare the offense paid and no longer owning.  Forgiveness ISN"T free. It's costly. But it is healing and restorative. 

Let's look at three elements of forgiveness today. Offering forgivenesss,  Receiving Forgiveness,  Seeking to be forgiven. 

Freedom From Destructive Anger

Anger! What man hasn't fallen victim to his own inability to manage anger wisely? Anger poorly handled destroys the health of men. Some have actually died from a fit of rage. Many have died due to anger rashly expressed. While that - thankfullly -  isn't the fate of many or even most men, anger is still a thief and destroyer. Poorly handled anger upsets promising careers, ruins relationships between businessmen and their clients, and  has cost more than one sales person a good commision. And that is all before a man returns home to his wife and children who often endure the pent up rage which he has neither the ability or courage to properly express at work. Wives pack up and leave, children are emotionally wounded, sometimes beyond total recovery, and all because we as men are sometimes unable, or unwilling to deal honestly and humbly with the anger which wells up and boils over. And what man who professes to follow after Christ hasn't wondered at least once if his anger has destroyed opportunities he's hoped for to share the reasons for the hope which otherwise lives within him. 

OK, so we get it, we all understand and agree that anger poorly managed will destroy.  But knowing a fact and having believing there is a way to avoid this destruction are two seperate things. I know cancer is a killer. But I may not be able to prevent its insidious effects on my own healthy life.  Is that the case with anger? Can we know it as a destroyer yet also know we are helpless under its rule?

Let's take a careful look at some Scriptural principles that can help us to understand and wisely manage the anger each of us is prone toward. Let's see if there aren't some things we can discover which - if applied - will help us move from anger that destroys to anger which - when properly harnessed - can be a blessing.

Heart Care. Why guarding my heart is the most important work I will do in life.

The word heart may not sound particularly masculine. So the idea of Heart Care may be a girly idea you'd rather not consider. (No offense to women intended).  Yet according to many wise men whose words have been set down in Scripture, "heart care" is some of the most important work each of us will ever do - or avoid.  "Guard your heart" says Solomon, while recalling the words of his own father to him.  "Out of your heart come the things which contaminate your life" says Jesus.  

There is a phrase well know in leadership circles. It's one John Maxwell has used frequently and one which has been quoted and requoted.  "Everything" so it says "rises and falls on leadership".  We could reword that to say that no matter what else is done or not done in any organization, if the leadership of the organization is not done  well, then the health and success of that organization is in peril.  

I think we could say the same with respect to heart care.  Everything in my private life and my public one will be impacted by my diligence in guarding and caring for my own heart. My heart's condition will determine how high I can go, or how far I will fall. It will either bless and give life to every relationship I have, or my heart's poor and toxic condition will poison every other heart I come in contact with.  

With those thoughts as the backdrop, heart care suddenly looks more important and much more a masculine topic. 

Let's consider this together.